


Slow, slow hands

by Samcgrath



Series: James and Scorpius [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: And then Draco Malfoy makes an appearance, Angst, Drinking, Everyone else knows, I loved writing Ciarán, In Denial, James and Scorpius live together, James' teammates, M/M, Teddy being done with these quarreling children, al and james hexing each other, also there's some quidditch in here, and tries to tell them but these are adamant boys, anyway so pining, cue three years of pining and angst, might include more of him in other fics, oh and mentions of so many new characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-29 19:32:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11447571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samcgrath/pseuds/Samcgrath
Summary: James has been sharing a flat with Scorpius for years. He's mastered the art of suppression by now and of pining. So he really should know better than to get pissed with Scorpius when there's no one else around.





	Slow, slow hands

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to write a thing where pining is the way of life because you live with the person you're in love with. Just couldn't pass up this brilliant opportunity to write domestic angst. 
> 
> The title is from Niall's song Slow Hands which if you haven't heard yet, I have questions. Mainly, why?

He pushes open the door with his shoulder and squeezes through the narrow gap, broom in one hand and a giant overflowing kit in the other, and almost trips over Abraxas nearly braining himself. The cat meows angrily at him before running off to the kitchen as if James is an utter bastard for disturbing him even though he was blocking the door and could very well have led to Jamie splitting open his head on the ground.

He sighs and slams the door shut behind himself with his foot. "Bloody cat..."

He turns to toe off his shoes by the door, grumbling under his breath about the 'rules' of the flat. And in his hurry to get the damn kit off his shoulder, overbalances and stubs his foot against the wall. The next string of curses out of his mouth would make dad sweat and dad curses at everything. In the midst of all this, Jamie hears an amused little giggle and turns around to find his flatmate casually watching him from the sofa like he's enjoying a particularly entertaining show. He even grins and raises his glass, making no effort whatsoever to help.

"Oh no, don't get up. I've got it!" James snaps at him, putting down the broom as gently as he can - it's the latest model of the Zoom series - before throwing off the kit without bother. Finally free of the crushing weight, he stretches his arms in front of himself. His right shoulder protests the movement and he really should have gone to see the physiotherapist today. Bloody hell, now he's going to be sore for days.

Unbothered by any of this, Scorpius belatedly answers sarcasm with sarcasm like he always does. "I believe in you." And he's got the bollocks to look earnest even in his insincerity.

James flips him off and makes a beeline for the bathroom. A hot shower should help with the shoulder, he reckons. He peels off his top as he goes, throwing it off to the side somewhere. He'll pick it up and throw it into the washer once he's done showering. The joggers go next, dropped carelessly just outside the bathroom door. He's standing in front of the mirror, watching the movement of his shoulders when he hears Scorpius behind him. "If you think you're leaving your smelly clothes on the floor like that, thing again."

He doesn't want an argument, not after the day he's had so he picks up the joggers. "I would've picked them up after my shower." Living with Scorpius is a blessing at times but mostly it's like living with a nagging mum. No shoes inside the house, no clothes strewn about, pick up your dirty dishes..

Thankfully, Scorpius doesn't say anything about the shirt so James thinks better to leave it and quickly closes the door.

The hot water feels nice on his bruised skin and hurting muscles; it was a tough practice today. Coach Pucey made them all fly laps around the pitch for an hour each and then play two practice matches one after the other even though it started snowing halfway through the first match. His back feels stiff, legs aching with the effort of standing up but James stays under the spray of the hot water and feels his muscles slowly relaxing.

If there's one part of playing quidditch he hates, it's the way his body locks under the brutal regime of practice sometimes. How everything aches and not in a good way.

A knock on the door breaks him from his monologue. "Yeah?", he calls out ducking his head under the water and feeling his hair slowly soak. Oh, isn't it the best feeling when hot water hits your scalp and every part of you warms up for a moment.

"I'm making dinner, what do you want?" Scorpius' voice is muffled through the door.

"Anything!" he shouts back, grateful that Scorpius is cooking even though it's James's turn today. He hears Scorpius chuckling on the other side of the door before saying "Fine!" and walking away.

He looks down at his fingers and finds them all wrinkly; it's time to get out of the shower as much as he doesn't want to. He hates being an adult and worrying about peeving things like water bills and money.

A warm towel is waiting for him when he gets out and the sound he makes when the warm cloth touches his skin sounds filthy even to his own ears. Scorpius must've cast a warming spell on the towel, bless him. He gets out of the bathroom, picking up his shirt and throwing it into the basket on the way, and walks straight to the kitchen where he can hear Scorpius singing some old song he's heard Al sing before.

Scorpius hasn't noticed him so he quietly walks up behind him and puts his chin on Scorpius' shoulder. "Thank you for the towel."

Scorpius starts terribly at his voice and almost stabs him. "Merlin's tits! Can you not do that when I've got a knife in my hand?"

Jamie shrugs and steps away. "Just saying thanks." He goes to the fridge to get a beer and then thinks better of it. He has an early start tomorrow, he should probably just eat and get to bed. More body aches and practice loops in the snow await him.

"And can you put on some clothes?", Scorpius murmurs sounding a bit miffed. James's reply is cut short when Scorpius suddenly turns to look at him with narrowed eyes. "Don't tell me you've got nothing clean to wear!"

"I do, I just like it like this." He spreads his arms out like some corny model on the cover of Witch Weekly. He knows he's well fit, he works out too much to not be but he must look ridiculous right now with his towel almost touching his toes and with his fogged up glasses standing here in the middle of the kitchen.

Scorpius isn't paying him any attention anyway so he crosses his arms across his chest feeling just a little self-conscious but not enough to go find a shirt.

"Walking around half naked, you mean?" Scorpius throws over his shoulder rather belatedly.

"Come on now, Scorpius, you've been living here for three years. It's nothing you haven't already seen." He waggles his eyebrows at Scorpius and gives him that creepy smile Al says he inherited from dad.

Scorpius just rolls his eyes and goes back to chopping tomatoes, no praise of his eyebrow waggling skills. James takes that as his cue to leave because he doesn't want to hear any lectures on propriety tonight. "I'm going."

Abraxas is waiting for him outside the kitchen and once again almost succeeds in tripping him but Jamie manages to get a hand on the wall at the last moment and only loses his dignity in the process as Abraxas runs away growling and James' towel is lying on the floor.

"James! What the fuck?!" Scorpius cries suddenly from the kitchen doorway, his eyes wider than James has ever seen them and he's looking right where the towel should be.

Panicking, James turns his back to him quickly and reaches down to pick up the towel and covers himself. "Sorry sorry, it was Abraxas! He tripped me up, the little bastard!"

When he's got the towel secured around his waist, he turns to face Scorpius. "It's fine, I've the towel back on."

Scorpius peeks from behind the hand covering his eyes and only after making sure James isn't lying does he take the hand away. Seriously, the level of mistrust in that boy hurts him. Wounds him.

"Are you seriously blaming the cat for your gratuitous nudity?" Scorpius sounds extremely skeptical and shouldn't James be getting some benefit of the doubt here.

"Can you calm down with the big words? Plus, you know he isn't a normal cat, he's always--"

"Are you implying he fancies you and wanted to see your.... ?"

He raises his eyebrows, biting down on a smile because Scorpius can't even say it. "You're such a prude, Malfoy!"

That only makes Scorpius blush and before James can even begin to take the piss, Scorpius rushes back into the kitchen mumbling about finishing dinner.

He'll be alright. They've lived together for years now and even though they've never seen each other's ahem--private parts, there is a sort of surreal intimacy that comes with living with someone. Not that James needs to be reminded of that. If anything, it's a constant struggle to hold back and not let the closeness get to him.

This probably isn't the best time to be thinking about this but he can't not. It's kind of an every day, every moment sort of thing. Ever since that night of Scorpius' and Al's Hogwarts graduation party when he'd found Scorpius alone in the garden, drunk and almost sobbing. It'd tugged at his heart to see the most closed off person he knew sitting by himself on the wet grass crying. He'd looked up at James through bloodshot eyes and James hadn't had the strength to walk away.

The fact that he'd been in love with this boy for half a decade by then didn't help either.

Scorpius had told him, through tears and snot, that he wanted to have a life. 'Like you do!' he'd said and pointed at James. Well, he had tried to point at James and had ended up poking him in the eye. And then had spent fifteen minutes apologizing for nearly blinding him.

James still remembers how crestfallen Scorpius had looked when he'd asked why he was so sad. 'Dad wants me to move back to the Manor with him. And he wants me to start applying for jobs, hopefully something at the Ministry. I don't want to!' His face was so much like a petulant child, frown sitting neatly across his brows and lower lip jutting out in defiance, that James had almost reached out and ruffled his hair. Scorpius would probably have bit his hand or something, hates having his hair touched that boy.

'What don't you want to, Scorpius?' he'd asked instead.

'Anything, don't wanna do anything! I don't want to move back to the Manor but I can't live on my own so I have to. Damn my father for never teaching me the skills to survive on my own! And I don't want to work at the Ministry but I'm scared to tell dad that. I don't want to disappoint him...'

James had remembered with sudden clarity having a similar conversation with Teddy just a few years before. Worried about offending dad by saying he wanted to move out and live on his own maybe in a muggle flat, he had been found by Teddy in a similarly tortured state.

He'd looked at Scorpius' tear tracked face and spoken before he'd even thought about it. 'Move in with me. My lease is coming up in a few weeks, I can get a bigger flat. You can live with me.'

And the moment Scorpius had looked at him with those eyes brimming with tears and hope, Jamie had known he was pretty done for.

And well now, now he's absolutely done for.

He's at a standstill, can't go anywhere from here because there's no one else to go to. Some people understand this and never say anything and others don't get it - like mum - and keep asking him when he's going to find someone and settle down. He's got no idea how to tell her he's already found someone but the chances of settling down like she defines settling down are slim to none.

And really, he's pretty settled. He's got the job he always wanted, he's living in a nice flat and he's hopelessly pining like no one's business. What's more to settle?

Yes, there are days when this seems a little too stifling and he feels the urge to wreck it all with just a few words but that's what friends are for. And that's what going out and getting absolutely legless and fucking nameless strangers is for.

He's worked it all out by now. He knows exactly how many away games to sign up for to give him an optimum amount of time away from home and Scorpius. He's got Teddy who knows just what a pathetic loser he is and who isn't afraid of taking him by the collar and physically getting him away from Scorpius at the slightest sign of weakness.

So yes, James is quite settled.

***

He stands on his tiptoes and pushes the end of his practice broom into the lump on the bed. The lump moves, only slightly, groans a little and then assumes its previous position. Sighing, James takes a half step closer and pokes the lump with the broom again. Nothing for a second, then--"What the fuck do you want, Potter?!"

He starts at the rage in that voice, almost hits himself in the face with the broom. Deep breath, then says: "You've got a test, remember? You said to wake you up at six..."

The lump moves under the blankets, one pale foot peeks out and just as quickly disappears again. Scorpius hates having any part of his skin exposed, he'll sleep with blankets even at the peak of summer. Jamie doesn't understand how anyone can always be cold.

Oh, another thing Scorpius hates is being woken up. Not just woken up early in the day but woken up at all. Even at 2 in the afternoon. James has learned his lesson the hard way. Well, several hard ways.

In the beginning, he had made the mistake of jumping on the bed on top of the lump and trying to tickle him like he does Al whenever he finds his little shit of a brother asleep. He'd figured out in the first four seconds that jumping on a sleeping Scorpius was nothing like jumping on a sleeping Al. Where Al would groan and kick, Scorpius goes for wandless, wordless hexes like it's second nature.

Also, shaking Scorpius awake does not work because his first instinct is to reach for your throat and James is rather attached to his neck. And if it's not the neck, then it's the balls. James needs those.

Oh and that one time Jamie had tried to cast a subtle tickling charm, Scorpius had thrown a pillow at him and he'd ended up giggling on the floor himself.

Hence the practice broom and the four feet of distance. Because Scorpius had also almost destroyed his vintage Nimbus 2002 that one time.

"I hate you..." Scorpius mumbles sleepily. "Fucking hate you so much."

Jamie bites down on his smile, he reckons he looks like a besotted idiot right now but what can he do? Scorpius is such an adorable bastard even when he's cursing.

"I know, but can you get up? Your exam's in less than two hours and apparently you need to revise." He doesn't say that he thinks Scorpius could write the test in his sleep and score the highest marks because that's also a lesson he has learned. Never tell Scorpius what he thinks about his learning habits and intelligence unless he wants to hear something to the effect of 'Well, of course _you_ think I'm smart."

"Hate you, Potter...."

Alright, enough coddling, he thinks and pulls the blankets off in a single move. He's too late to cover his ears and almost loses his hearing when The Screech happens. Scorpius flops around on the bed like a fish before finally admitting defeat and sitting up. His hair is all over the place and he looks so bloody cute but James values his limbs so he keeps his mouth shut. The Malfoy GlareTM is especially scathing today.

"You look like Kreacher when he's glaring at dad,", James quips, gingerly putting the blankets back on the bed. If he knows Scorpius at all, something amounting to murder or maiming will be uttered next.

"If anyone is getting their head impaled on a wall, it's you."

There it is.

"Okay well, you have to revise and get ready for your test but I'll be waiting for you this evening so you can impale my head on the wall then." He shoots Scorpius a grin - something that has been labelled a shit-eating-grin by Al - and makes his retreat.

He can hear Scorpius mumbling something behind him, something about gits and poison and painful death. He doesn't bother listening or responding, this is routine. Scorpius is a murderous little cunt first thing in the morning and communicates exclusively in threats. "I'll put the kettle on,", he throws over his shoulder and leaving to put his practice broom back in the safety of the cupboard. There it will rest till he has to wake Scorpius up for some other reason.

Abraxas is waiting for him in the kitchen looking just as grumpy and murderous as Scorpius. "I'll get your breakfast, shall I, my liege?"

He doesn't make noise today, just shows Jamie his claws in a not so subtle threat.

Between this bastard cat and his roommate, James is surprised he has made it three full years in this place.

***

Scorpius does not like going out to drink. Correction: Scorpius does not like going out to drink with James' friends.

They are loud, brash, drunk, and very depraved. One of them is currently making rude gestures about his own girlfriend and Scorpius wants to run. He can't though, it's James' birthday and he can't leave like this.

James is off somewhere getting them drinks and he's taken Teddy with him. The only other person here that Scorpius is slightly comfortable with.

"Oi, Malfoy!" someone calls.

He looks up from his half empty glass to find Ciarán Finnigan watching him. He likes Ciarán more than some of the others but not a lot. His dad, well both his dads, used to be at Hogwarts at the same time as Scorpius' dad but they never got along so it's always somewhat awkward when they're all out together like this. Then again, his dad never got along with anyone at Hogwarts. At least this isn't as awkward as when one of the Granger-Weasleys is around. Or Mr. Potter who was involved in a seven year pigtail-pulling contest with father.

"Yeah?", he replies softly. 

Ciarán gets out of his seat and stumbles over to the empty chair beside Scorpius that's James'. He wants to protest but he can't very well do that since James has been gone for so bloody long. Ciarán leans in like he's about to tell Scorpius a secret; his breath is warm with the whiskey he's been drinking quite steadily for hours now. "You seeing anyone?"

He looks at Ciarán in surprise. That's a rather personal question that he wouldn't expect a casual acquaintance to ask. Ciarán leans in again. "I've got a mate who fancies you, could set you up. Goodlooking fella!" His eyebrows waggle in that same stupid way that James' do and Scorpius wants to hit him.

"No, thanks."

Ciarán gestures for him to come closer and as much as Scorpius loathes being beckoned like a house-elf, he goes. "I've also got shitty looking mates, if that's your thing..."

A surprised laugh escapes him. The others turn to him and Ciarán and a few sharp looks are thrown about. Scorpius ignores them like he ignores most things these people do and say. Ciarán pats him on the back. "There's a good boy! Nice to see you smile, kid."

Scorpius is caught between correcting him that there are only two years between them so he is not really a kid, and asking him why he bothered to come over to Scorpius at all. He's usually more than happy to stick to hellos and goodbyes. Before he can say anything, Ciarán excuses himself and runs off to the loo leaving Scorpius alone with his thoughts again.

Across the table, Fred Weasley and Tobias Flint are arguing over who has the most dedicated fans. They are both Chasers for the Cannons and Puddlemore respectively. But if anyone is counting, it'd be fair to say that even with the disadvantage of playing and captaining for the Cannons, Fred Weasley has a confoundingly staunch fanbase. They call themselves the Weasley Army. Scorpius shudders at the thought of those nutters - dressed in those ghastly orange robes of the Cannons, they march like a motorised mob through the streets before every game, chanting Weasley's name like he's a king or something. And this is when the Cannons are yet to win a major league game. He doesn't want to even imagine what they'd do if Chudley ever won because of Weasley.

Shaking himself out of those distressing thoughts, he catches part of what Tobias is saying. "--that time that witch flashed me during the Magpies game last year, huh? Come on, that was huge, everyone saw her tits!"

A round of laughter echoes around the table as Tobias recounts the biggest scandal of last year's British and Irish Quidditch League - an indecent exposure by a crazed fan in a stadium full of thousands. Her face and her--ahem, private parts were plastered across many newspapers. Some of them had even published uncensored photographs before being slapped with Ministry lawsuits.

Fred Weasley counters with - "Yeah, okay but my fans built a statue of me outside the Cannons stadium after that match with Tutshill last year!"

Everyone looks like they wish it wasn't true.. But yes, there is a 10-foot statue of Fred Weasley on his broom outside the Chudley Cannons home stadium.

Once again, Scorpius realises just how out of place he is here. Not that he needed the reminder. Everyone here plays professional quidditch save Teddy who's got the most successful band in England right now. These are all men with faces that get recognised everywhere they go. They all live in the public spotlight, surrounded by fans. And then there's Scorpius.

He hates coming out with these people. They have jokes that he never gets. They tease each other about things that Scorpius could never understand. And they know a part of James that he can't know.

As if he's read Scorpius' mind, Ronald Inglebee speaks up. "What about that time that woman cast a love spell on James? That was proper fanatic!"

Scorpius tries to hide his surprise at this - James never mentioned any illegal love spells cast on him - but fails miserably. Fred and Tobias both turn to him with the strangest expressions on their faces. Scorpius is about to ask when Ronald continues. "I mean that was just crazy really. At least it led to the team protecting against any kind of public spells in games, right?"

Just then, he hears a familiar laugh and looks up to find James and Teddy walking back to the table with drinks. James is laughing at something Teddy is saying and it is bloody annoying to watch. They're probably laughing about some childhood story that no one else here knows. Always in their little bubble, those two.

"What're we talking about?", Teddy asks setting down the drinks.

An unsettling moment of silence. Scorpius notices that Fred and Tobias share a look before turning to James. Ronald seems completely oblivious to the strange tension at the table and answers without hesitation. "Oh we were just talking about crazy fans. I was saying that the craziest was that woman who cast that spell on you, Jame--"

"You got drinks? Finally!"

Everyone turns to Ciarán who has returned from the bathroom and talked right over Ronald. It seems innocent enough but Scorpius can see the nervous little glances that are being shared. Above everything else, James won't meet his eyes.

Ciarán slips into the seat beside Scorpius again and replaces his half empty glass with a full one. "Drink up, mate!", he says pushing the glass towards him.

James settles into Ciarán's seat which puts him next to Teddy. Scorpius would've missed it if he wasn't watching them. Teddy brushes his hand over James' very deliberatly while reaching for a napkin. And James smiles back at him, a smile that's barely there but a smile nonetheless.

Perhaps Al was right all along. His brother really is seeing Teddy.

Ciarán elbowing him brings him out of his thoughts. "Alright?", he asks.

Scorpius really wants to ask him why he's so intent on conversation tonight when they've never exchanged any more than pleasantries ever before. He dreads the answer even though there is no way Ciarán knows his best guarded secret.

"Yeah."

***

He waves goodbye to Scorpius around midnight after making sure he's alright to go home on his own. He wants to go with him, he thinks as he's standing there watching the figure disappear into the thick fog. Someone jostles him as they get out of the club and right into him. "Sorry..." they slur out while holding onto someone, both giggling, and walking away.

What he wouldn't give to have that with Scorpius.

Fuck!

Blowing out a heavy breath, he turns around and walks back inside. Teddy and everyone else looks up at him with weary eyes. He sighs and sits down in his chair.

"He alright?" Ciarán asks first.

James nods, takes a sip of his pint.

No one else speaks and it annoys the fuck out of him. "He has a class tomorrow..." he mumbles. "'s why he had to go."

"Yeah, sure."

Fuck, they're treating him like a grieving child. The bloody looks and the silences. "Can we just not?" he snaps.

"Hey, come on..." says Teddy. "It's your birthday! Let's get properly pissed!"

He laughs at the idiotic noises the lads make then, screaming and howling like someone's hurting them. At least it makes him forget.

***

"Why would you start talking about that, though? Like, what the fuck were you thinking?"

Freddie points at Ronald right away. "It was him, the fucking idiot! He's the one that brought it up! We were talking about my statue."

"Yeah, he's the one that said about the love spell, Jamie." Tobias is beyond pissed, he's falling off his stool at this point but that's never stopped them before.

James shakes his head in disappointment. "I didn't tell him about the spell for obvious reasons. And now he's going to ask."

"Just tell him it was nothing. He won't find out what the spell did." Teddy has been his best friend for as long as he can remember. He's the one James first told about Scorpius. He's the one who's always been able to console him but even his words sound empty right now.

"He's going to ask, I can tell."

Ciarán shakes his shoulder which makes his head bobble uncontrollably and makes the world tilt dangerously. James has to close his eyes and clutch his head so he doesn't vomit all over Finnigan. "What the fuck, Ciarán?"

"Trying to see if I can shake the stupid outta you. No luck!"

Everyone bursts out laughing, even Jamie cracks a smile. Ciarán doesn't seem to be in the mood for his jokes tonight though. He takes Jamie's face between his hands and says, "James, how long are you going to pine over him?"

"I'm not--"

He never gets to finish because everyone starts talking at the same time drowning out his very transparent denial. They all know. Most of them were there when the spell hit him and instead of making him fall in love with the witch who cast it, made him spill just how mad he was about Scorpius Malfoy.

They've all seen him miserable and moody. Losing his patience at practice. Cursing at Coach Pucey and getting benched. Getting legless and going home with strangers.

"Seriously though, mate. He doesn't even see it, James!" Tobias exclaims suddenly. Several other drunk people look over at the loud remark but no one in here is even remotely sober enough to recognise any of them so it's alright.

"Good."

"How's that good? You're wasting your prime years pining after his arse while he is so fucking clueless! How's that good?"

"I'm not wasting anything!" he growls out. Why doesn't anyone see that? He's living a good life with Scorpius. So what if he can't kiss him or hold him or make love to him... So fucking what!

"Jamie?", Ciarán whispers.

He doesn't want to look up. He doesn't want to see the pity on their faces. This is why he didn't want to come out drinking tonight. It always ends up like this, like them talking about the arse they're all getting and then everyone turns to James with pitying looks.

"Just forget it, okay?"

Ciarán's hand lands on his shoulder. "Come on, mate. This is not healthy. You've got to move on!"

Tobias scoffs across the table, spitting out his drink.

James fucking loses it. "What's so funny, Flint?"

Ciarán's hand grips James' shoulder.

"Let me go, I'm just asking him!"

Tobias shakes his head. "Nothing."

"Why'd you laugh then?"

"Jamie, just leave it."

"I am fucking leaving it. Tell me what's funny."

Tobias shrugs. Says, "Just the idea that you could get Malfoy's arse out of your mind and move on."

There are only two things James can do to prove him wrong. One of them is jump over this table right now and take him to the ground. Break his nose. Get suspended.

The other is walk over to the dance floor, find a half decent fuck and go home with them.

***

Scorpius sits in the lobby waiting for the door to open. Abraxas is beside him on the sofa, licking himself. The lights in the flat are off and Scorpius can't see much. His head is buzzing from the drinks he's had.

He's waiting for James.

Jamie should be home by now. It's almost light outside, Mr. Bennett upstairs will be waking up any second.

He has a class at eleven, and he's going to regret staying up this late.

He falls asleep on the sofa.

***

It's past noon by the time James drags himself home. His head is absolutely throbbing, eyes hurting from the inside and legs like a jelly curse. He casts a half-hearted _Alohamora_ on the door, keeping an eye out for any muggle neighbours. He could fish for keys in his jacket but the ability to put the key in the lock is far beyond him in this state.

The flat is dead silent when he enters. Abraxas is watching him from the sofa, yawning. James can't help but yawn too.

He tiptoes inside, stops and listens. No sound.

"Scorpius?", he asks softly. There's no answer.

He tries again but still no response. Scorpius must've left for his class, he reckons.

"Time to go back to sleep." Abraxas follows him to his room and settles his arse right on top of James' pillow. He thinks about picking up the git and depositing him elsewhere on the bed but then leaves him be. "I'll just sleep without a pillow, shall I?"

Abraxas hits him right in the face with his tail and then turns his arse toward James and starts snoring.

***

_Puddlemore Seeker James Potter caught stumbling out of club with mysterious date on 24th birthday_

_Is this who Harry Potter's older son James, seeker for Puddlemore United is currently seeing? James and some of his teammates were seen leaving the newly opened London club, Red Dragon. Witnesses report that the group which was there celebrating James' 24th birthday had been drinking quite steadily through the night. According to one witness: "They were all enjoying themselves like young lads ought to. There was some serious drinking and at one point, there was a loud argument. But it didn't turn into a fight or anything. They were loud but not at all rude or disruptive."_

_James has been playing as a Seeker for Puddlemore for three seasons. He was drafted right after Hogwarts which had led to some questioning if this was down to talent or just his name. Since then, James has shown distinguished skills as seeker reminding many of his father who was the youngest seeker in a century when he played for his Hogwarts quidditch team. James also represented England in the World Cup last year and is expected to be one of the top choices this year._

_Off the pitch, James leads a somewhat secretive life prompting many to, once again, compare him to Harry Potter who is known for his rants about privacy outside the Ministry where he currently serves as the Head Auror. Unlike his father, James has been open about his romantic life on more than one occasion, simply stating - "I am single."_

_Then, dear reader, one wonders if the photographs from last night mean he has finally found someone. As pictured, James left hand-in-hand with a young blond around one in the morning. He was shortly followed by Ciarán Finnigan and Tobias Fint - Chasers for Puddlemore United, Fred Weasley - Chaser for Chudley Cannons and James' cousin, as well as Teddy Lupin, lead singer of Alpheratz and godson to Harry Potter. Also present for the birthday celebration was Ronald Inglebee, Beater for the Puddlemore squad. The remaining members of Puddlemore United are currently out of the country for prior arrangements which explains their absence from what seemed like a team celebration._

_Puddlemore plays the Tutshill Tornadoes next week for the semi-final spot in this year's League. Let us hope James Potter will fully recover from his birthday celebration and do what he does best - catch the snitch. And if we see the mysterious date from last night at the stadium, we shall know James Potter is no longer single._

***

It's been two days since his birthday and Scorpius hasn't brought up the love spell yet. Jamie wonders if he's forgotten about it. He's going over the night in his mind when Al startles him from behind and he ends up elbowing the pot of curry on the stove and getting covered in said curry.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?", he snaps at Al when he's managed to vanish most of the spilt curry. The yellow tint of turmeric is already on the floor; he'll be on his hands and knees scrubbing the tiles soon enough. He turns to look at Al and barely holds himself back from hexing the idiot. "Who startles someone when they're cooking!"

"I didn't know you were playing domestic flatmate. I thought you were just putting the kettle on or something."

"And if I was? Pouring boiling water on myself would've been great fun, you think?"

"Oh, sod off!" He looks half guilty about it and that's the best James can hope for, really. Al goes to the cupboard where they keep the biscuits and gets the custard creams out. He and Scorpius have a shared love for those. And of course, he speaks with his mouth full. "What's got your knickers in a twist anyway?"

James opens his mouth to yell at his stupid brother but then decides against it. If Al starts suspecting something is up, he'll never let it go. It's in his best interest to answer but also change the topic as soon as he can. "It's the bloody article,", he mutters. "Coach Pucey went a bit mental today, angry about his players out drinking till the morning with a match so close."

Al raises a single eyebrow in question. "Since when has he started babysitting? You're all grown men, you can go out to drink whenever you want."

"Yeah, I know. It's just the pressure of the match. Tutshill's doing really well and Jason's still unfit to play so we have to play our reserve Beater. He just got mad at me because I was there."

"Wow! Lucky you, eh?"

"Yeah, lucky me." If only Al knew what Jamie was struggling with everyday. He'd probably kill James for thinking about Scorpius like that. Right, better keep that to himself then. "Lucky me..." He really needs to work on his temper before Al calls him on having a sulk about nothing.

Al just shakes his head like he usually does around people. Jaded and cynical as all hell, that one. "You're the star player for Puddlemore, getting paid in thousands. And here you are, alone at home cooking and moping about something a grown man said to you while angry. What a life, James!"

"Oh yeah? And how's your training going? Learnt anything new from that racy fountain of youth of yours?"

Al groans aloud, making a disgusted face and Jamie cant's help but laugh at his reaction. He even puts the custard creams back. "She's a hundred and three, can you please stop calling her that?"

Jamie goes to the gas to have a look at whatever's left of the curry. If he adds some water and spices, maybe he can make enough for one meal tonight. Scorpius will probably moan about the flavour missing but James can't really start a fresh one this late or else they'll be eating well after midnight. And the whole time he's cooking, he'll be teasing Al about his training partner. Yes, that sounds like a good evening--

"I can see your shoulders shaking!" Al shouts from the dining table.

Jamie chuckles and throws a wink over his shoulder. It's the best chance of fucking with Al he has these days, talking about his partner.

"Fuck you, James! She's my partner and I have to work with her everyday. Can you not mention her minge?"

"I didn't mention her minge. You just did." He smirks at Albus, knowing full well this will mess him up for a few days.

"You started this! You're the one who started talking about her-- her bits that time. She's more than a hundred years old, you sick fuck!"

"I'm not the one who just mentioned her minge, though."

Al's up and out of his chair, cursing at him while Jamie works on the curry, laughing at his little brother's distress. It's just a bit of fun really, he respects Aurelia Jones and her bravery as an auror for more than half a century far too much to even think about her ahem. He only mentions her bits once in a while to mess up Al who then goes to work and sees her and can't concentrate because he keeps thinking about what Jamie's said and then sends him howlers all day long. It's the ultimate prank.

"Fuck you, James and fuck your stupid mouth for putting this in my head! I hate you so much!"

That's how Scorpius finds them when he gets home - Al yelling at James for being a dick and James silently listening, content with the knowledge that he's ruined tomorrow for Al.

Scorpius takes one look at them and sits down at the table. Unlacing his shoes, he gestures for Al to sit down beside him. "Hey, Al. You alright?"

James watches them for a second, sees Al pushing his chair next to Scorpius' and sitting with his head resting on Scorpius' shoulder. They've been best friends since they were eleven and every single interaction they have shows just how comfortable they are with each other. James feels envious of Al sometimes but he knows his relationship with Scorpius is comfortable in its own right. He could never replace Al for Scorpius, and he never wants to either.

"How do you live with this psychopath?", Al moans.

"Why, what's happened?", Scorpius questions. Before Al can answer, Jamie yells: "Albus was going on about Aurelia's minge again."

Al's head snaps up immediately. "No, I wasn't! You're the one that brought her up, you psycho."

"I just asked you if you were learning anything from he--"

"You can go fuck yourself, James!"

Scorpius sighs and shakes his head in distress. He always ends up being the referee in these situations. "Can we save the cursing until dinner? I'm starving."

"Curry'll be ready in five minutes,", James tells him.

Scorpius throws a tired smile at him that makes Jamie want to go over and pull him into a hug. He looks dead on his feet. He'd melt right into James' arms.

"Can you stop making weird faces and finish the food?", Al snaps at him and there goes any kind of pleasant thought James was entertaining.

"Scorpius, he ate your custard creams."

"Albus!"

"What, no! I just had like two--James, you wanker!"

***

While Jamie unlocks the front door and leads him into the flat, Teddy's teasing him about the time they had all gone to Australia back in third year year when Jamie had screeched like a baby as a snake casually crossed the road two feet away from them. Fourteen year old James had jumped up into dad's arms and ended up toppling them both to the ground.

Yes, that is an embarrassing story but forgive James for being scared of a fucking venomous snake being fucking two feet away.

"--how you jumped up into Harry's arms. I can still see it in slow motion, you screaming and lunging at Harry who was daydreaming and suddenly you were jumping at him and then you both just laid there on the ground in a tangled mess...it was so fucking funny!"

Jamie goes to mess up his carefully styled hair because he knows how Teddy took ages to get it just right. It's green today, a dark rich green. "Don't make me bring up the time you discovered just how scared you are of little girls with long hair who look like that film..."

"What film?", Teddy challenges but Jamie's not really listening. His attention is on the figure standing by the stove with its back to them.

He knows it's Scorpius but it takes his brain a moment to reconcile what he is seeing with what he knows. It takes a moment because Scorpius' long hair is gone. From what James can see, it's clipped tight to his scalp on the sides and in the back. The waves of white blond that used to flow down to his shoulders sometimes are gone. In their place, short spiky hair and a bare neck. He wants to touch it so badly, to reach out and touch Scorpius there at the back of the neck where the hair starts and see if Scorpius melts in his hand. See how the soft hair feels against his fingers.

"Jamie?"

He startles. Scorpius turns around sharply, mouth gaping open and he just...he looks beautiful. James can see his hair is longer on the top, messy as if someone's been running their fingers through it. The short hair on the sides makes his face look so much narrower, so much sharper. He looks so much more like a Malfoy somehow.

A hand lands on his arm, squeezes. He looks down. Follows the hand, the arm. "Teddy."

Teddy is looking at him with wide eyes, wide worried eyes. "Alright?", he whispers gesturing with his head toward where Scorpius is.

Scorpius. James looks at him again, loses his breath once again at how different Scorpius looks. How good. How much sharper his nose seems. How much lighter his eyes are. How his mouth--

"Got a haircut, Scorpius? Looks nice!"

Scorpius nods at Teddy. His eyes meet Jamie's for a moment and James would have done it, he would've done it today. Would've crossed the room and kissed him if Teddy wasn't holding his arm still. Scorpius smiles at him softly before saying something about an exam and leaving.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Teddy barks the moment Scorpius is gone. He shoves away Jamie's arm in anger.

"Wha--"

"You were staring at him like you were gonna shag him right here! You're so fucking transparent, Potter." 

"He got a haircut..."

"Are you having me on? That's all you can say? Yeah, he got a fucking haircut. Can you return to the land of the living now?"

"He looks so.. stark. So..."

"Okay, you can't stay here. Let's go. You're staying with me tonight, kid."

All he can manage is a last minute side-along. And even as he tries to go to sleep, Teddy snoring lightly beside him, he can't help but see Scorpius as he'd stood in the kitchen today when Jamie first saw him.

Godric, he's so fucked.

***

Al's around for dinner tonight. Well, so's Teddy but Jamie doesn't mind him being around.

Al, on the other hand, is someone James would give up to the aurors in one second. They wouldn't even have to ask.

Case in point. "How many times is it that Abbott has beaten you to the snitch? Three..? Four now? Losing your touch, Jam--"

Jamie reaches for his wand because that's how they've always resolved their disagreements. Al's just a second too slow for Jamie and always ends up getting hexed first. This time is no different; Jamie's got his wand digging into Al's throat. "Say that again."

Al looks straight at him, no signs of backing down even as Jamie pushes his wand deeper.

"Can you stop trying to kill each other for five fucking minutes?" Teddy sounds bored more than anything.

He's seen them fighting all their lives, beating each other bloody back when they weren't allowed to do magic at home and then graduating to hexes, James two years before Al could. They'd always end up getting punished for doing it but that's half the fun.

Now as fully grown men, they have not yet left the fighting behind. Dad just rolls his eyes and threatens to decommission their wands if they don't stop. Mum actually makes them put their wands in a drawer when they go to visit her.

And Teddy makes the face he's making right now.

James pulls his wand away in disappointment. He'd have loved to make bats come out of Al's nose but apparently this is not the time. Teddy sounds more done than he usually does.

"Watch your back, Albus."

"You watch your back, James."

"I said it first, watch your back--"

Teddy's out of his chair and across the room, pulling Jamie away. "That's enough back watching, calm down. You're not in the bloody Godfather!"

Scorpius gets in around seven. Al's running out of the kitchen the second there's a sound of keys in the lock. Jamie can hear Scorpius and Al in the lobby, giggling about something. They're always giggling like children. He's stopped asking them why, he's been told _no_ since they were twelve so he reckons there's no point asking.

He's getting beer out of the fridge when Scorpius walks into the kitchen followed by Al. Jamie had somehow misjudged how good his new hair looks and seeing it now leaves him feeling like he's been stupefied. Merlin fuck! Scorpius looks even better than he remembers from yesterday.

He faintly hears Al in the background. "What the fuck's wrong with him?"

And a moment too late, he realises he's staring. He looks away hastily, pretending he hasn't just been caught. A well-timed Bat Bogey Hex directed at Al really diffuses the situation.

Al's hunched over in pain and the sight hits just the right spot for Jamie. Now, this is a good weekend! He hides a smile behind his hand but the way Teddy looks at him over Al's hunched form, it seems he's fooling no one.

Well, better get to finishing dinner then.

"James, you fucking reprobate! I'll get you for this!" Al screams at him as yet another bat flies out of his nose and circles the ceiling.

"Focus on your bogeys for now, will you?"

Both Teddy and Scorpius groan in unison. Scorpius even goes so far as to look at him disapprovingly.

And when James indignantly asks "what?", Scorpius makes a truly disgusted face. "Can you not talk about bogeys before dinner?"

Al's head jerks up suddenly. He looks funny with tissues stuffed into his nostrils but James keeps his mouth shut because he'd rather not end up in a similar position. "Scorpius! Why would you say that?"

Scorpius rears back like a wounded animal at Al's objection. It's nice to see someone other than himself getting that look from Scorpius. "I'm not the one who hexed you!"

"Yeah but living with _him_ ," Al spits out pointing at Jamie, "--has made you disgustin--"

Teddy gets in the middle of the boys before anyone can draw any wands. Jamie's watching everything from the table as Teddy physically inserts himself between Al and Scorpius. "Children! Children, behave!"

Wands do get drawn and hexes do get thrown about and Scorpius and Al do end up getting into it with each other. Teddy tries breaking them up and ends up with his tongue stuck to his chin.

When it's all over and the three of them are hunched over at the dining table panting, Al points to Jamie. "Look at the bastard who started it all! You having fun, James?"

"I am. Next time, at least try to duck when someone casts _Petrificus_ on you."

And then Jamie ends up in a full body bind, courtesy of Scorpius Malfoy.

***

James is waiting for him when he gets home. He hasn't even closed the door behind himself and James is already getting off the sofa and rushing over to him, almost jumping up and down like an excited crup. "How'd you do?"

Scorpius makes a show of being disappointed. They always do this. Still, it's nice to have familiarity. James snaps his fingers in front of his face to get his attention. "Scorpius? How did you do on the tests?"

He lets a slow smile creep up on his face and watches as James's face splits in one as well. "Top of the class."

"Fuck yes!" James exclaims and pumps the air as if he's the one who has passed his exams. He pulls Scorpius into a hug and crushes him with how close he wants to hold him and Scorpius revels in the warmth. He'd been so excited to come home and tell James ever since he found out. It always feels so good to share happy news with James.

"Alright! We are getting pissed tonight. I don't have training tomorrow morning and you got the day off so let's go get some whiskey because we gotta celebrate!"

He'd try to reason with him but James is stubborn about his celebrating and his drinking. Plus, Scorpius also feels the need to drink excessively and feel nothing for a few hours. "Can we do it at home? I really don't want to be around people."

James looks conflicted for a second, and Scorpius wonders if he is about to be subjected to a James Potter convincing. Then, Jamie just smiles and ruffles his perfectly styled hair. "Fine. We'll do it here, you anti-social git. But you'll have to do shots to make up for it!"

Scorpius has to agree because James wouldn't give in. It's going to be an interesting night because Scorpius is a cheap drunk and two shots is all he can take.

***

He is absolutely pissed and all he's had is two shots of something James called tequila and one firewhiskey. He's been dancing to some muggle tune for Salazar knows how long and James has been on the floor laughing.

"Alright! It's bed time for you, Mick Jagger." James takes his arm and tries to move him away from the music.

"Zho's zat?", he manages to say slurring only a little. James says he speaks with a bad French accent when he's drunk but what does James know. Scorpius speaks fleunt French, for his information.

"No one. Come on, let's get you to bed."

Scorpius struggles a bit but eventually manages to shove James away. "No." James looks amused as if Scorpius is a child throwing a tantrum. "I'm not a child,", he explains.

"Didn't say you were." Bloody James and his smirking.

"Stop looking like that!" Scorpius snaps and pokes him in the chest.

"Like what? Handsome? Afraid it's not something I can turn down,", replies James with his stupid Witch-Weekly smile. He's been on several of their covers, you know.

"I need to brush my teeth."

James gapes at him like a monkey in a zoo. He looks funny. "Close your mouth, you look funny." He leaves James there and goes to the bathroom. Maybe he'll have a piss too, after all he's had loads to drink. That'll help with how drunk he is too.

Jamie follows him to the bathroom, asking: "Are you really going to brush your teeth?"

"Yes and use the bathroom." He slams the door in James' face and laughs when he hears the idiot cursing on the other side. He looks at himself in the mirror as he takes a piss, finds bleary eyes looking back at him. He sighs, takes a deep breath and finishes up.

It's been a good night. He and James started drinking beer while watching a film and slowly progressed to shots. And he kept his head through most of it. Only after the first shot did he start having _those_ thoughts.

_Alright, time to stop thinking._

James is still outside, leaning against the doorway when he opens the door and starts brushing his teeth.

"No one goes on a bender and then brushes their teeth before passing out," James says shaking his head as if wanting to have a clean mouth before sleeping for Merlin knows how long somehow makes Scorpius the weird one. He's doing that annoying smile, the one where he looks so smug that Scorpius wants to hit him just to knock that bloody smile off.

He snaps, catches himself in the mirror sneering. Doesn't care. "Yes well, I can't sleep with this disgusting taste in my mouth."

"Posh bastard." That shit eating grin on James' face itches something fierce.

"You wouldn't know posh if it bit you on the dick."

"You what? Shut up!" He laughs it off but Scorpius can see the challenge flashing in his eyes. And when has a Malfoy ever been able to walk away from a challenge by a Potter?

"I shan't."

"Shut up, Malfoy!" That famous Potter wit. It makes him smile around his toothbrush.

It's exhilarating to get James riled up with just a few words; he usually reserves this low, commanding voice for quidditch. The rough grind of it combined with those bloody eyes makes Scorpius lose control for a moment. He's not even sure what he's saying or why, just wants to see James get madder. See how far he can push. "Make me, Potter."

James looks at him a moment, those eyes burning right through him. Scorpius tries to look confident even though he's got his toothbrush jammed in his mouth and foam on his lips.

James moves suddenly towards him, he isn't afraid, not really - James would never hurt him - but he does feel scared for a moment. He does hold his breath as James walks closer and closer...

Without a word, James, still looking into his eyes, falls to his knees and Scorpius is so confused and the two seconds he needs to take his brush out of his mouth to protest to ask to say something, James is pulling down his joggers and he wasn't wearing pants and his cock is hanging limply between his thighs and the sensation of cold air hitting his skin makes him gasp or maybe that's the feeling of James' hand on him, holding him there.

His brush falls to the floor. James is holding him there and that's James' mouth on his cock, that's his tongue licking Scorpius and that's his wetness surrounding him. Scorpius mewls, makes pathetic noises because he wasn't ready, he could never be ready. He was just brushing his teeth a moment ago and now he's got James kneeling in front of him sucking him off and Scorpius' knees give out under him when he feels James' teeth lightly touching against his prick and he has to hold on to the sink because James is not slowing down at all. Scorpius is going to come embarrassingly quickly, he's going to come just from this. He's going to come in James' mouth and that's not a thought that's helping right now. 

Hand on his back, nails scratching just this side of painful and oh Circe he's not sure when he started moving but he is, he's fucking James' mouth with his cock and James is letting him. James is kneeling in front of him and letting him do whatever Scorpius wants to him. And Scorpius can't hold back any longer.

"What--what was that?", he asks breathlessly as James pulls back. He even pulls up Scorpius' joggers and pats him on the stomach as if to indicate that he's done. As if Scorpius could somehow have missed that.

He can't feel his legs or anything really, it feels like he's floating. Unattached. Absolutely numb and floating, blood rushing through his ears and heart pounding away like mad. He wonders if James can hear it too in the quiet of the bathroom.

"Made you shut up."

His head snaps up to look at James, see his face. Try to read if he's being serious. Nothing makes sense, what's just happened?!

James doesn't help at all. He looks just as drunk as he did before he went and tilted Scorpius' whole world on its axis. Scorpius feels like he's been hit with a sobering spell, only he feels more nauseated.

Silently, Jamie gets off the floor, holding on to the sink for support. Wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, winks at Scorpius and walks away.

He's left panting, losing his shit.

***

Sunlight. Bright.

He groans. Turns over trying to stop the light but it keeps hitting him and he can't go back to sleep. His head is throbbing, feels like it's splitting open on one side and he wants to scream. Instead, he lies there sobbing because it hurts so bad.

"James!", he calls out and immediately regrets it when his head pounds at the effort.

He feels around and finds a piece of paper on the pillow beside his head and a bottle. Opening one eye just enough, he looks at the bottle. "Salazar, thank you!"

The hangover potion slides down his throat and relief is instantaneous. The throbbing in his head recedes and the pain behind his eyes disappears as well. He can open his eyes without exploding into tiny little pieces. He'll take a shower first, it'll likely help with the way he's feeling.

It isn't until he's taking off his pajamas and about to step into the shower that he remembers.

"Merlin's tits!" His hand flies to his mouth to stop anything more coming out. He doesn't know if James can hear him.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Then he remembers the note. In his hurry to pull his pajamas back on and rush out of the bathroom to go check the note, he trips and falls. His hand comes back bloody when he wipes at his forehead. Not bothering to cast an _Episkey_ because it doesn't hurt that much, he runs back to James' bedroom and finds the note.

_Got an early practice. See you tonight! - Jamie._

He collapses onto the bed, hand still clutching the note.

James didn't have practice today. That's why they had decided to drink till late last night.

His mind's running so fast, weaving through reasons why James would lie. And it keeps coming back to the same one: he didn't want to be here when Scorpius woke up. He regrets what happened last night.

"You knew this already. You knew he doesn't--" His voice breaks over the words he's said to himself countless times but they've never hurt this much.

He's getting up off the bed and walking toward the bathroom within a second. He will not dwell on these thoughts. Whatever happened, happened. He has to find a way to get on with it.

If he stands under the shower a little too long, no one has to know.

***

"Jamie?!"

He looks up to find dad standing in the kitchen doorway frozen, hands stopped halfway through rubbing his eyes.

"Good morning, dad."

Dad puts his glasses back on and squints in confusion. "Morning..." He looks like he wants to ask what James is doing here at seven in the morning. James hopes he doesn't. "Tea?", dad asks instead.

"Yes, please."

He mostly only drinks tea when dad makes it. At home, Scorpius prefers coffee and he's gotten James addicted to the stuff. And he makes milky tea like mum and Al. But dad, he makes a perfect cup of tea. James wonders sometimes how dad learnt to cook so well, who taught him how to make tea. But then he remembers the popular story of the great Harry Potter and his miserable childhood, and decides not to remind dad of the misery.

He watches as dad goes to put the kettle on. His yawn is contagious and Jamie's yawning and wiping his own eyes in a second although that may be the lack of sleep. He needs to find something else to focus on. Sitting here and thinking won't help.

"Shall I make toast, dad?"

Worried eyes watch him for a moment before dad nods and busies himself with getting the cups out but Jamie can tell that dad is watching him as he does so.

They work around each other in silence. Dad yawns and rubs his eyes and Jamie tries not to watch him and yawn too. When dad goes to brush his teeth, Jamie watches him leave. He stands by the stove watching the kettle boil, forcing his mind blank.

With toast and tea on the table, they sit down to a quiet breakfast. James hasn't sat like this with just dad in so long. It used to happen often when he still lived here. He didn't know he'd missed it so much, just sitting here drinking his tea in silence as dad reads the paper. Soon enough he'll be done with the _Wizarding World News_  and will have to look at the _Prophet_. Then, the cursing and swearing will begin. James can't wait.

Dad catches him mid yawn once again. "What're you doing up so early? Isn't this your day off?"

"It is. I'm meeting Teddy in a bit, reckoned I'll have breakfast with you before I do." He tries that charming smile of his on dad, the one that makes the fans swoon.

He can tell dad believes none of it.

His face is neutral enough which is unusual for him. Jamie remembers always being able to tell exactly what dad was thinking growing up; mum was a different story. Dad always has that default expression of _utter doneness_ like he's dealt with too much shit in life to care about the shit you're currently trying to sell him. Harry Potter is not buying anyone's shit.

He chuckles to himself at the idiotic joke. Straightens his face when dad raises his eyebrows in silent question.

"Ted and I might go to Hogwarts to see uncle Nev." They have no such plans but Jamie's always been a shit liar and now will have to convince Teddy to go just so he doesn't get caught when dad mentions this to uncle Nev two months from now in some random conversation.

Dad puts the paper down. Reaches for the _Prophet_. Looks right at James before opening it up. "Say hello to Hagrid for me, will you? He has something for me that I've been meaning to get, just haven't found the time."

The Head Auror gaze rips through him like a Bludger to the head.

He's grateful that dad never pushes them to share things they don't want to share. He's always been like that. Jamie reckons it's the lifetime of being stared at, made into a public spectacle that's done it. Nevertheless, he is grateful.

"Will do," he mumbles.

"Cheers, mate."

With a last glance that says _I am here_ , dad unfolds _The Daily Prophet_ and--"Godric's throbbing dick! What in the holy fucking hell is this?! Jamie, have you seen this? They're building another Ministry monument in... Essex?! Who the fuck is allowing this? Bloody fuck!"

***

James comes back from wherever he was today smelling like fresh water. Hogwarts, Scorpius guesses.

He doesn't say it. That would break this unsaid rule they've established at some point. That would mean that Scorpius knows he wasn't at practice like his note said. And that would mean acknowledging what happened last night.

From what he can see, James has no plans to do that.

So Scorpius, in the interest of self preservation, doesn't bring it up. They sit down to a rather quiet dinner and then retire to their own bedrooms around ten which is way too early to go to sleep but Scorpius would rather be in his room with a door between them where he doesn't have to steal his eyes from James like a common thief.

He's hoping that'll go away soon or living with James will be much harder than ever before.

***

"To be fair, you do have a great love affair with cushions."

James suddenly stops stirring the sauce and stands frozen over the pot. He looks like a stunned animal. Scorpius looks at Teddy who's laughing behind his hand.

He has no clue what's happened. He could ask but he's been in this situation before and the answer is always some variation of - _you had to be there._ Mostly because they laugh about the stupidest things that Scorpius never gets.

He turns back to his chopping without a word and continues. He can tell James is whispering something to Teddy behind him. Annoyed, he leaves the potato half cut excusing himself to go to the bathroom.

James comes after him and stops him with a hand around his arm. He must've noticed something. "Alright?"

"I'm going to the bathroom, would you like to come and assist?" he snaps.

"Piss off!"

"I was about to."

James smiles then, that stupid toothy smile that would look idiotic on anyone else. Scorpius smiles back because he can't not. It's a strained smile and James seems to have noticed. 

***

He returns from the Harpies match dead tired and hurting everywhere. Coach Pucey gives them an hour long speech when they all apparate back to the stadium. James was sat next to Ciarán through it who kept insinuating that Coach was being sexist by saying it was a shame they'd lost to the Harpies. The speech kept getting longer and more impassioned as Ciarán's interruptions went on until Coach finally snapped. "Finnigan! Quit that unless you want to sit out the next match!"

Ciarán had just shrugged and winked at Jamie like an idiot while Coach stood there breathing through his nose like a bulldog. It's worth mentioning he wasn't being sexist, he was frustrated because his team was a lot more experienced than the Holyhead Harpies who have taken on three new players within the last month. To be fair to Puddlemore, they hadn't had enough time in between their last two matches against Tutshill and Montrose, and this one with the Harpies.

Either way, James is dead on his feet by the time Coach finishes his admonishing. He looks out of the corner of his eye at Ciarán who is shamelessly flirting with their reserve Beater Gwyneira Jones, daughter of quidditch legend Gwenog Jones. Gwyneira is a fiercely competitive player just like her mother and wants to make a permanent place for herself on the squad. The way Jason's injury is going, it looks like that might just happen. Ciarán is best mates with Gwyneira's girlfriend, Olwen Morgan who is currently a Chaser for the Holyhead Harpies. He's been trying to convince Olwen to come play for Puddlemore for about a year and a half now but she doesn't want to leave the team her great grandmother and great-great grandmother played on.

Jamie thinks it's neat that she has such a heritage in quidditch. He'd play for Holyhead like mum if they allowed wizards on the team.

Anyway, he hasn't got the energy left to watch Gwyneira and Ciarán go head to head about who knows Olwen best. He says a quick goodbye to the lot and apparates to the little wood behind his muggle street. Every step he has to walk to the flat hurts. He's going to fall face first into his bed and sleep for a full day.

By the time he unlocks the door and gets in, he's half asleep. The kit goes on the floor by the door, muddy trainers kicked off. He's about to put his broom in the cupboard when he hears the door to Scorpius' room slamming shut.

It takes his tired brain a moment to remember. Ah yes, the tension at home.

The feeling of an impending duel hanging in the air.

Nothing's been said, not outright. But there's an unspoken challenge, something that fizzes and bristles and makes everything seem so charged. He was in the kitchen day before yesterday just about ready to apparate to the stadium to leave for Holyhead when Scorpius had come in. They'd stood staring at each other for an awkward moment as if they weren't sure how to act around one another. Then James had asked if Scorpius wanted a glass of water like he was a bloody waiter. Scorpius had shaken his head and wished him good luck for the match before going to the fridge to fetch a soda.

They hadn't had a conversation that stilted since Al invited Scorpius home that first Christmas break.

He and Scorpius haven't fought. No one has said anything but it's always there, like an unsaid challenge. He feels it too, the urge to scream and yell and hit and hurt. It's weird. He never wants to hurt Scorpius but these days every time he sees him, Jamie feels annoyed with tiny little things and wants to lash out.

He'd forgotten all about it in the madness of the match and now it hits him right in the face like a slap.

Scorpius is in his room, the door is closed.

Jamie goes to his bedroom and falls into bed still thinking about how things are suddenly so weird. He's asleep before he gets the blanket on him.

***

Teddy mentions it about a week later. "What the fuck's happened between you and Scorpius?"

He isn't one for subtlety, Teddy.

James stops stirring the sauce and looks up at him. For some reason, everything that's been building up inside for weeks just comes bursting out. He gets that feeling behind his eyes and at the back of his throat that comes just before crying. He tries to blink away the wetness before it's noticeable but he can't.

"James?" Teddy asks softly. His brows are pulled together in a frown. And for that same fucking reason, it makes James want to bury his face in Teddy's chest. He reckons it's all those years of him relying on Teddy to protect him.

"I fucked it up, Ted. Fucked it all up..."

Teddy reaches down and turns off the stove. His hand goes from the stove knob to Jamie's, twining their fingers together and pulling James to him. He goes willingly. "What happened?" Teddy says.

He doesn't know how to say it. He doesn't know what to say.

"Fucked it all up."

***

"Wait, so you actually made a move?"

"I didn't...it wasn't--"

"You sucked his dick."

"I was drunk. He was too."

"Right. So what happened afterwards?"

"Nothing. I went to bed."

"You went to bed?"

"Well, yeah, it was late."

"You're a fucking idiot, Potter! What did he do?"

"Came to bed."

"He came to _your_ bed?"

"Yeah, he does that sometimes."

"I've said this before and I'll say it again, you are both idiots. What happened then?"

"I woke up."

"And?"

"And I went over to dad's."

"So you ran?"

"Didn't run."

"Was he awake when you went to Harry's?"

"No."

"That's running. But fine, I won't argue. Then what?"

"Then dad and I had tea, I came over to yours and we went t--"

"Hogwarts! I fucking knew it! I knew something was wrong that day."

"Nothing was wrong."

"So you left Malfoy junior sleeping after you'd sucked his dick and then went to see your dad for breakfast and wanted to go to Hogwarts for no reason? Yeah, nothing wrong there."

"Whatever."

"As much as I am going to regret asking this, did you talk to Scorpius about--"

"I left a note."

"Saying...?"

"That I had practice."

"Which he knows you didn't."

"...."

"Did he bring it up?"

"No."

"Merlin's fucking tits! You are both idiots who deserve each other! Question: have either of you talked about it since then? Like, dropped any hints or....?"

"No."

"Right. So you sucked him off and then you went to bed together and then you woke up and ran away, leaving a false note and neither of you has brought any of this up. Right."

"Yeah."

"Do you see a problem with any of this?"

"He doesn't--"

"Stop. Just fucking stop!"

"I made a mistake, Teddy. I shouldn't have forced--"

"You didn't! He would've stopped you if he didn't want--"

"I told you he was drunk."

"So were you. For fuck's sake, you do know he's a grown man, don't you?"

"Just drop it, Ted. I fucked up."

"That you did, mate. That you did."

***

Teddy keeps looking at him like he's going to AK himself any moment. It gets old really quickly. "Can you stop?"

"What?"

"The pity! I'm fine, just stop staring at me all the time!"

"Sure, you look fine."

Okay, yes. Teddy has a point. Jamie does look like he hasn't bathed in a week and his hair is messed up beyond anyone's control. It looks worse than dad's.

"Piss off!"

Teddy raises his hands in surrender and leaves him alone. He's been sleeping on Teddy's sofa for two days now. Maybe Ted does have a point.

He successfully sits up on the third try and stumbles over to the kitchen with a blanket wrapped around him like a cape. Teddy looks up from the boiling kettle and smiles at him as Jamie goes to stand beside him. They stay like that till the kettle goes.

"I should go home,", he says once they've finished breakfast.

"You can stay as long as you want, you know that. But yes, I agree. You should go home and sort this out."

Teddy comes with him. "To make sure you don't kill yourself in the lobby", he says.

"I'm not suicidal, you arsehole."

"You've been on the verge of it ever since you realised you're gone on Malfoy."

"Touché."

They apparate to the wood and start walking toward the flat in comfortable silence. It's nice outside, a surprisingly warm day for Britain. Mrs. Abernathy waves at him as they pass by her teashop. Scorpius and he come to see her at least once a week. Well, they did until all this mess started.

For the first time since making the decision to come back home, Jamie's worried. He feels like he's going to be sick. What if Scorpius has had enough and tells him to fuck off? What if today is the day he's been dreading for years? What if he's about to lose Scorpius forever?

Teddy stops him with a hand on his shoulder. Lost in his thoughts, he was about to walk into the pole that stands beside the entrance to the flat. He nods at Ted and goes to get the keys from his pocket. His hand is trembling as he goes to unlock the door, keys jingling--

"Let me."

He stands aside as Teddy unlocks the door and leads him inside.

After all the years he's lived in this flat, it feels unfamiliar today. It doesn't feel like home.

"Alright, Jamie?" Teddy's voice is soft, hardly there.

He starts walking down the hall to the kitchen without answering. Abraxas comes out of his bedroom and looks up at him like James has betrayed him. His eyes seem to be saying  _where have you been, you useless cunt?_

Jamie goes to get a can of catfood for Abraxas. That'll make him go back to just plainly hating James. Teddy follows him, reaching down and picking up Abraxas on the way. Of course, he goes willingly. He loves Teddy for some reason. He's the only one who can pick Abraxas up without being scratched to death. And the noises he makes when Teddy's around, actual cat noises, never happen when it's just Jamie and Scorpius.

He opens the can and sets it down for Abraxas who leaps out of Teddy's arms and attacks the can. Jamie watches him happily enjoying his lunch. He wonders who'll get to keep him if he and Scorpius live separately. And that thought tips him right over the edge he's been staring down for weeks.

He can feel his eyes filling up, lips quivering as it all comes tumbling out. "Why did I fall for him, Teddy? Why did it have to be him?"

Ted doesn't have the answer to that. No one has the answer to that.

"I've tried so hard to just not... to stop feeling this way. I just can't. Can't stop..."

Teddy crosses the room in quick steps and comes to stand in front him. Jamie doesn't want to meet his eyes. He doesn't want to see the pity there. "It's okay, James. You'll be fine."

"It hurts so bad. It always hurts so bad but I can't stop it. Why can't I stop it?"

Teddy's arms come up around him and pull him closer. It always makes him feel better, the warmth but not today. It hurts too much today.

"Why doesn't he love me? Am I that hard to love, Teddy? Am I that unlovable, that repulsive--"

"No, you're not. You're a fucking catch, Jamie. You hear me? You're not repulsive. Stop talking shit!"

"I am. I must be. I must be. I--"

Teddy's lips are soft against his, pressing gently against his mouth. He's always so gentle with James, always so careful. His hand on Jamie's cheek moves tenderly. Jamie opens his mouth and lets him in. This is familiar, it's nice. It's warm. Teddy moves him back into the counter slightly, moves in between Jamie's legs and he's so ready to be loved, to be reassured when he catches something out of the corner of his eyes.

Scorpius is standing in the doorway.

Jamie gasps, pulls away from Teddy.

Ted looks down at him, catalogues the surprise on his face and turns around. The silence in the room is thunderous. It's thick, too thick to breathe. Jamie has to claw air into his lungs.

Teddy recovers first. He wipes at his mouth quickly, running his hand through his suddenly red hair. "Scorpius, hey! I thought you had a class on Thursdays..."

"And what're you? My minder?"

"No, I just--"

"Don't you have a home to go to?"

Jamie's too stunned to respond, too struck at hearing such cruel words from Scorpius. He's still processing what's just happened when Scorpius storms out leaving him and Teddy behind.

"I'm sorr--"

"It's fine; he didn't mean, I'm sure. But I have to get going. You gonna be alright?"

James tries apologizing again but Teddy dismisses it quickly. "You two need to talk. He's probably just mad at me for... just talk to him."

"Still, he shouldn't have said that to you."

"James, promise me you'll have a talk."

He nods and gives Ted a quick hug before closing the door behind him.

He's alone with Scorpius now.

As scared as he is about what will be said, he takes a deep breath and starts walking down the hall toward Scorpius' room. He stands outside the door, hand on the doorknob.

_Are you prepared to leave if he asks you to?_

_Prepared to give it all up?_

He turns around and rushes to his own room, slamming the door shut behind himself.

***

There's a loud bang suddenly, sound of a door slamming shut that makes James jump. He sits up and looks toward his bedroom door that's closed. He tries to listen but can't hear anything. Gets off the bed slowly and tiptoes to the door, ear to the wood. Footsteps in the hall outside.

Then a drawer bangs shut and James hits his head on the door in his surprise. Shit. Scorpius probably heard that. He stands listening, heart hammering away.

No more sound.

He waits for a full minute, probably more, but Scorpius doesn't say anything. Finally, there's some noise. He must be making dinner. Pots and pans clang loudly, making Jamie grind his teeth. The little shite's banging them on purpose.

'Don't do it!' he tells himself but there's only so much banging of utensils someone can take. When something falls on the floor, Jamie's had enough. He pulls the door open and rushes to the kitchen. Scorpius is elbows deep in water, cleaning dishes. That gives Jamie pause; it was his turn today.

_Well fuck._

He goes to the fridge and lingers in front of it, his favourite pass time. Another loud noise behind him.

_Right, better take care of this._

Gently closing the fridge door, he moves to stand by the counter. He can see the side of Scorpius' face from here - eyes focused on cleaning dishes, mouth pursed. He doesn't acknowledge Jamie at all.

James moves a little closer. "You okay?"

No answer. Jamie leans forward and takes his wrist. "I said, are you okay?"

"Let go." He's so quiet Jamie thinks he's imagined it.

He doesn't let go because he wants an answer.

"I said let go of me!" And Scorpius snatches his hand back and James lets him because he's never seen Scorpius mad. Never like this. Never heard him raise his voice, it becomes sharp like his father's and Mr. Malfoy is scary when he's mad. Scorpius looks more like him now than he ever has.

"You on your period or something?", he blurts out and instantly regrets it because that's not only a stupid thing to say but also offensive. If mum could hear him right now, she'd slap him upside the head.

Scorpius turns to face him. Very slowly. "What did you say to me?"

_Time to backpedal, James._

"Just asking if you're okay. You've been so quiet today and you were rude as fuck to Teddy earlier." He shrugs as if that'll help. "I'm just worried, Scorpius."

Scorpius doesn't even bother answering, just turns around and goes back to banging dishes.

"Fine, be a dick."

" _I'm_ being a dick?"

"Yes. A giant one." Childish, he knows but he's not exactly in the best state of mind to think of amazing comebacks right now.

"Right. That's rich coming from _you_."

"What does that mean?", he asks confused.

"Nothing."

James watches him with narrowed eyes. "I want to know what you mean by that."

"Don't you have practice or something?"

Ah, yes. The cherry on top of the cake. He sighs. "I've been benched."

Scorpius whirls around in shock, the Malfoy flair for the dramatic making a sweet entrance. "What?!" It's almost as if everything else James has said so far has been useless chatter. He's this close to rolling his eyes.

"Coach benched me for two games,", he replies nonchalantly. He is anything but. "Said I need the rest. Bullshit. I'm just having a tough time on the pitch is all, just need some practice. But he's benched me, the cunt!"

There's the usual cowdung-under-nose Malfoy expression that shows up whenever someone even remotely approaches a curse. Then a rather strange flash of something in his eyes that makes Jamie curious but his next words kind of decimate any curiosity. "Maybe if you weren't busy shagging everything that moves, you wouldn't be so bad at catching the snitch."

"What?"

"You heard me." He doesn't even bother to hide the disgust from his face.

James watches him calmly for a moment when everything inside him is swirling in a storm of rage. Scorpius Malfoy has lashed out in the one way he knows how to, in the one way all Malfoys do - with such precision that James can't even believe it. "You..." he starts but doesn't know what to say next.

Scorpius is looking down at him, he's standing ramrod straight the way he only does around his father. He's holding his chest out like a bloody peacock and his eyes, his fucking eyes. They're silently accusing.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" James snaps. He doesn't know what he's expecting to hear.

Malfoy smirks. He knows he's gotten under Jamie's skin.

He's moving before he even realises, taking Scorpius by the collar and pushing him against the wall. He's got an arm against Scorpius' throat, the other hand on the wall beside Scorpius' head. He's pushing against Scorpius' throat making him choke slightly. "The fuck are you smirking about, Malfoy?" he grinds out.

Scorpius' eyes bore into his.

James is so lost. How the fuck did they end up here?

He removes his arm from Scorpius' neck and takes a single step back. Scorpius could leave but he doesn't. He doesn't look away from James either, eyes taunting.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?", he asks quietly. "You've changed."

Scorpius scoffs. "Have I?"

"You're being so weird. You don't talk to me, you're always pissed and you were a twat to Teddy earlier--"

"Ah, so this is about your precious Teddy." He sounds so bloody condescending, James really wants to hit him in the face. And that's something he's felt so many times in the last week, it's alarming.

"What's he ever done to you? Why are you such a dick to him?"

"Right, I'm the dick. Even though you're the one forgetting you share this flat with someone and maybe shouldn't fuck your friends when there's someone else at home."

Maybe it's the shock of hearing Scorpius curse like he's never cursed before or maybe it's something else entirely but James ends up taking him by the throat and that's so violent he doesn't even recognise his own hand wrapped around Scorpius' neck. He's spitting words he doesn't recognise either. "Just because you're not getting any doesn't mean you can say shit like that." And he doesn't recognise his own voice, the anger in it.

Scorpius reaches up and takes James' hand off his neck. Jamie's sure he's either about to get hit for saying that or Scorpius is leaving because surely this has gone too far. An apology is at the tip of his tongue when Scorpius leans down, brings his mouth next to Jamie's ear and whispers, "I got you on your knees in case you forgot."

The shiver that runs down his spine at those words makes his legs give out from under him. That's the last fucking thing he ever expected Scorpius to say and now he has said it and James just... he loses his breath. He has to steady himself against the wall. He has to close his eyes because Scorpius' breath is warm on his cheek and his words are echoing through James' mind on a loop.

Behind his closed eyelids, he sees Scorpius standing over him gasping, holding himself against the sink because he was lost in the pleasure that James gave him. He had looked so beautiful in that moment, lost to the world. He had called out Jamie's name and Jamie has heard it every night in his mind and he has wanked himself raw just from the memory of Scorpius's thighs shivering under his hands.

"Are you remembering it now, James?", Scorpius whispers hotly against his cheek and Jamie almost cries with how good it feels. A wet warmth touches his ear, tracks the line of his jaw. "Are you thinking about it, about being on your knees for me?"

Jamie moans, leans into the wetness that is Scorpius' mouth. Merlin's fucking bollocks, his skin is burning everywhere that mouth touches. He has never felt anything like this before, didn't even know it was possible to feel this. He's shaking his head like a madman because he doesn't want Scorpius to stop. He'd die if Scorpius stopped now.

"Are you thinking of opening your mouth for my cock?"

He whimpers, hands flying to Scorpius' clothes, fisting around his shirt. He wants to open his eyes and look at Scorpius, to see what he'll find in those eyes but he's afraid that this'll be just another dream.

"Tell me, do you open your mouth for anyone's cock?"

His eyes fly open in shock and find Scorpius'. His are cold, icy grey. He's staring, a hint of a sneer on his lips.

James doesn't understand. "W--what?", he stutters out.

"Have you taken Teddy's cock in your mouth?", Scorpius asks with a straight face as if this is some mundane everyday thing he's asking.

James watches him for a second, thinking he'll laugh and say he was taking the piss. He doesn't. "How fucking dare you?!", he roars.

Scorpius shrugs in response. "Just a question."

"Just a question?!" Jamie manages to get out through the rage that's almost choking him. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Cold dread creeps in. "Do you think you have the right to ask me this because what, I sucked your cock once? You think you can call me a whore because I let you fuck my mouth one time? You think you own me somehow?" He's lashing out but inside, his chest is tight with fear and with agony because Scorpius isn't like this. Why is he saying such things? He can't do this.

James can't do this.

He turns around and stalks out of the kitchen. Scorpius doesn't try to stop him.

***

It's the middle of the night. The house is dead silent.

James is on his bed staring at the ceiling. He's been here like this for hours ever since the row. Scorpius had followed him, saying words that made no sense but James hadn't been interested in what he had to say. He'd locked the door and cast _Muffliato_ because he could tell Scorpius was outside the door. He'd left eventually.

He knows it's impossible to ever really know someone. No matter what people say about love or living with someone for fifty years, he knows it is not possible to truly know everything about a person. But when you've known someone for a decade, have loved them for half that time, you know some of them.

Scorpius is stubborn. He is a pessimist. He doesn't trust anyone.

But he isn't that. He isn't someone who calls anyone a whore. He isn't someone who judges you for who you are or what you do. He isn't someone who makes you feel ashamed.

James takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a second. His stomach rumbles loudly in the silence. He hasn't eaten anything since breakfast.

He has to go out some time. Earlier, he had made the decision to leave tomorrow morning and stay at Teddy's for a few nights till he can find a more permanent place. Teddy. Thinking of him reminds Jamie of the things Scorpius had said--no.

He jumps out of bed. Slides his slippers on and opens the door. Scorpius is sitting in the hall facing him. He looks up with bloodshot eyes; he's been crying. He jumps to his feet immediately. "I'm sorry."

Ignoring him, James starts walking to the kitchen. That crushing weight on his chest has returned. Scorpius follows.

There's food on the dinning table under a warming charm waiting for him. He has half a mind to go back to his room and stay hungry till the morning. Scorpius is watching him from the kitchen doorway, making no sound. James sits down and starts eating.

He is famished and the food tastes like heaven.

Scorpius waits till he is finished. Then, as James reaches for the water, Scorpius walks over and kneels beside him. Jamie feels something move inside him but he doesn't look. His fingers play with the rim of the glass.

"I love you."

The glass of water falls to the ground. James watches the shards of glass on the floor.

"I am in love with you. Have been for years."

Jamie's hand clenches around the tablecloth. He holds his breath, blinks through the tears threatening to fall. Clenches his jaw. Refuses to look.

"Since fifth year, I think." Pause. "Al knows. He's always teasing me, says I'm pining. Because I don't think I'm good enough for you."

He looks then. Scorpius is looking already. His eyes are wet. He looks scared. "Don't think I'll ever be. And I've just proven it. I'm a brainless idiot and I am so so sorry for saying the awful things I said. You don't have to forgive me but I need you to know. I am sorry."

His light hair swings through the air and covers his face when he bows his head. His shoulders quiver. His hands are clasped in his lap like he's praying. "I said those things because I wanted to hurt you. Because you hurt me. It's always been so difficult to see you with someone, all these years. Al's teasing. Your mum's insinuations that you should settle down. Jokes about you and Teddy getting married. I always thought it was my punishment for falling for a Potter."

James wants to hold him. Wants to forget all this and just take him in his arms and hold him.

_But it wouldn't be right. He said horrible things and they cannot be dismissed so bloody easily._

But James does want to tell him that he's an idiot for thinking he's not good enough for James.

"Al said I was a masochistic twat when I agreed to move in with you. He said I'd end up miserable. I didn't listen. I couldn't see anything beyond you." He sniffles. Wipes his nose with his hand. Head still bowed. "And then I _was_ miserable. Pretending to be living a lie with you here. I fell so much deeper, James. And I convinced myself it was enough. Then. Then you turned it all upside down and never even acknowledged it."

He'd always known he was wrong for walking away that night. And for disappearing that morning. But he'd told himself it was for the best. _What a fucking idiot!_

"It was much harder after that. I kept trying to forget and go back to the way it was but I wanted more. I wanted to kiss you every time I saw you. I wanted to tell you. I wanted you to feel the same. I wanted... but I could never bring myself to say anything. And then you went away for two days so I asked Al if you'd gone to his place and he made some comment about Teddy and you and I just lost it. I wanted Teddy to stay away from here, from our home. Fucking selfish. And because I'm a prick, I said all those horrendous things to you. I respect you too much to say those things but I did anyway."

James pushes the chair back and stands up on unsteady legs. His fingers slip through Scorpius' soft hair when he touches his head. "Get up."

Scorpius looks up at him through tears, doesn't move. James offers his hand and pulls him up. Scorpius looks devastated, he's shivering. And James doesn't think twice before pulling the idiot to himself. Scorpius settles in his arms like a child, cries on his shoulder. Jamie leads them to his room, slowly gets Scorpius on the bed and lies down behind him. It takes Scorpius some time to quiet down, he doesn't let go of James till he finally falls asleep.

"I love you", James whispers in the silence.

***

Scorpius startles when he opens his eyes to find James watching him and gets Jamie right in the throat.

"Ah!" He chokes and coughs while Scorpius apologizes profusely.

"I'm sorry,", he says again when James has settled down. He's not talking about hitting James just now.

"I love you." Jamie announces in true Potter fashion, with no forewarning.

Scorpius gapes, stammers, curses. Rolls on top of James and kisses him. Then apologizes for doing it without asking. Apologizes again about the things he said yesterday.

"It's alright, stop apologizing. You've repented enough." Scorpius shakes his head sadly, not believing James at all.

So he thinks of the one way Scorpius will believe him. He scoots closer, manages to pin Scorpius to the bed and gets on top of him. Leans down close and whispers in his ear, "I've been thinking about your cock in my mouth."

And Scorpius bucks under him and gasps and James really hadn't expected him to react so quickly and so much and he's so fucking gone on this boy. His lips find Scorpius' and he brushes them together once, twice, thrice. Feels Scorpius' mouth against his own, wet and warm and soft and thinks of all the times he had almost done this. All the times he'd had to run out of the house just so he wouldn't do this.

Scorpius moves under him again, shifts, opens his legs and James fits there so perfectly. Scorpius tangles his legs around James' and kisses him back and bucks up against him and James just can't hold back any longer. He needs to feel skin. Pulling his hands away from Scorpius', he reaches under his pillow to get his wand and casts. The sudden feeling of warm skin against his from head to toe is amazing, Scorpius moans oh so beautifully and pulls him closer. His hands scratch down James' back and his cock is hard against James' own and he's rutting against James and gasping and moaning and his cock is leaking precum and James is so fucking close just from this.

"Say something,", he grinds out against Scorpius' shoulder. His lips open around warm skin, tongue licks at it and sharp teeth bite. "Say the dirty things you were saying yesterday."

Scorpius turns his head slightly to look at him. He's surprised. Shocked.

"I love how filthy you got yesterday before you fucked it up." He says it with a smile so Scorpius will know he's joking. "Please." He watches as Scorpius' eyes flash when he pleads, feels heat trickling down his own spine when he sees how those light eyes darken. "Please?", he tries again and sees Scorpius react, sees him change right before his eyes. Before he knows it, he's being flipped and his back is on the bed and Scorpius is holding him down. "Fuck! Oh fuck..."

"Sure you're ready for that?", Scorpius says with a smirk and Jamie can't help but laugh. Aside from the obvious answer to that, he's feeling incredibly giddy to be here with Scorpius and just be so free. That thought and all others get wiped from his mind when he feels a hand around his cock, fingers curling and squeezing. "I've been thinking about your cock, James. Maybe I'll open my mouth for you, some day."

The noise that comes out of his mouth would make aurors arrest him for indecency if any of his neighbours make a complaint. Scorpius laughs with delight at his reaction and somehow takes it as a challenge. His hand wanders lower, between James' thighs and up until he finds the spot he's looking for. "Been thinking about fucking you too. Opening you up with my fingers. Sliding inside you. Making you moan, Potter."

He screams, bites down on Sccorpius' shoulder to muffle the sound as a wet finger breaches him. Scorpius curses, bites James' mouth and tells him to leave a mark. "Fuck..."

"Not yet. But turn around." He says it like an order and James just can't control this anymore. He wants to obey every order and let him do whatever he wants. A bit of shuffling about and Scorpius finally gets him on his front.

A pair of hands touch his feet, wrap around his ankles. James looks over his shoulder and sees Scorpius kneeling by his feet. Merlin, will he ever get used to seeing this? He watches as Scorpius' hands travel up the backs of his legs, skate over his thighs and settle on his arse. They part his cheeks and James feels so fucking exposed. He's done this before, enough times to not feel like a blushing maiden. But something about Scorpius sitting back and watching James' body, his most intimate parts like this is exhilarating and so fucking new and terrifying.

He feels Scorpius' breath on his arse then and nearly comes just from that. Recovering from that would be difficult as it is but then a sharp sting of pain blooms on his arse and a moment later, the sound of a slap. He's moaning and rutting against the bed before he even realises Scorpius has just spanked him. He looks over his shoulder in shock to find Scorpius' hand raised for another slap. James meets his eyes, nearly black now and begs. "Won't last long, please Scorpius. Fuck, please!"

The hand comes down on the other side, sharp sting followed by a gentle caress, and then Scorpius is laying down on top of him. James feels Scorpius' cock against his arse and grinds back. "Always knew you'd be a slut for cock, Potter."

"Move, you cunt!" James yells in frustration.

"Call me a cunt again and see what happens."

James almost does because he thinks he knows exactly what will happen. But he'll test that theory some other time when he's not about to explode any second. Instead, he tries something else he thinks would work much faster. "Sorry."

It does. Scorpius shifts on top of him, makes him cross his ankles and then his cock is slipping in between James' thighs and it has been so bloody long since he's done this with someone that he'd almost forgotten about it. Then, comes a sudden realization.

"Scorpius?"

Scorpius grunts above him, holds himself up on his elbows and stills. "What?" He sounds scared. Like he thinks James will want to say this has all been a horrible misunderstanding.

James takes a deep breath and says: "This is your first time with someone."

He closes his eyes and waits for a confirmation because he should have known. He should've known and he should've waited--

"Are you really asking me this now? When I'm two seconds away from coming between your thighs?"

He can't help but tremble at Scorpius' words. But Merlin, it's his first time. Shouldn't James be taking care of him? Making this special for him? And not making him say filthy things that would make a shameless fucker like him sweat.

"Do you want to--"

"I swear to Salazar, Potter, if you're about to have some kind of a guilt trip, I'll kill you right now. With my cock between your thighs."

"Can you stop saying that?"

"Can you stop cock-blocking yourself?!"

_Good point._

"Do carry on."

And Scorpius does carry on. The weight of him is comfortingly heavy on James, the way his thighs squeeze around James' is maddening and the way his cock moves between James' wet thighs is even more so. His legs tremble against Scorpius, his own cock rutting against the bed in rhythm with Scorpius fucking his thighs and his filthy mouth still saying things James won't be able to repeat.

"Every time I saw you in your quidditch uniform or on a broom, I wanted to pull you down and fuck your thighs. Knew you'd feel so good around me."

"Oh fuck...! Aaah, don't stop! Fuck, please."

Scorpius gets a hand between him and the bed somehow and pulls James harder against himself. Fuck, why does this feel like it's the closest James has ever been to anyone when he's had people inside him before. Why does Scorpius' cock slipping through his thighs feel like the most intimate thing he's ever done?

Scorpius thrusts harder then, hips moving so roughly against James'. "All those matches I went to, always thinking of how much I wanted to be the one you were riding surrounded by all those people."

"Fuck, Scorpius! That filthy fucking mouth!" He's so close, he's so so close.

"I'll let you fuck it too."

"Fuck, fuck, fuck. Ooooooh!" That's it. He's clenching the sheets between his hands and screaming, coming so hard he feels himself free falling for a second. Scorpius' hand moves against his stomach. "Did you just... oh fuck! Merlin fuck, I'm coming!"

James feels Scorpius' body locking against his back, feels wetness spreading between his thighs and fuck! The thought of doing this in his quidditch robes just makes his poor cock twitch painfully.

Scorpius is panting over him, his heart pounding against James' shoulder. Fuck, this boy's going to kill James. He just knows it. Scorpius rolls off of him and lays there on his side watching James as they come down. Jamie lets him.

Well, he lets him do his creeping for a few minutes while he fetches his wand and cleans them up. Then, he pokes Scorpius in the chest. "So..."

Scorpius narrows his eyes but doesn't say anything.

"That's a very filthy mouth you've got there, Malfoy."

Scorpius turns his back to James and buries his head under a pillow. As if that'll save him. Jamie pulls him back and manages to get him on his back after a little bit of struggling. "Really? You were talking about fucking me in front of a stadium full of people not ten minutes ago and now you're too chickenshit to look at me?", he teases.

Scorpius finally opens his eyes and looks up at him. "And you were begging me to spank you fifteen minutes ago."

Which, yes, okay. James will admit that the thought makes all the blood that's left in him rush to his dick once again. And some to his face as well. "Hey, I'm not the one hiding under a pillow."

"I just... I can only do that when we're, you know."

"You can't even say it? Still?"

Scorpius glares at him which would have worked if James hadn't heard him spill filth just moments ago. "Come on, I'm serious. You talked dirty like a bloody professional just now. And here I was thinking poor Malfoy doesn't even know how to say prick."

"Piss off!"

He notices how Scorpius is biting his lips. How his eyes keep darting around instead of meeting Jamie's. "Hey, look at me. We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to, okay?"

Scorpius nods slowly.

"Alright. It'll be a secret then, only I will know what a filhty little fucker you really are."

"No filthier than you are."

"That's debatable. Now tell me more about this quidditch fantasy, you creeper!"

"Get the fuck off of me."

"Oh, I'll get off of you, don't you worry."

***

"Do you think Teddy will forgive me?"

Jamie switches off the telly and turns to face Scorpius beside him on the sofa. He looks close to tears and James just wants to go outside and yell at random people to vent his anger because Scorpius should never look like this. Instead of yelling at random people though, Jamie settles for taking Scorpius' hand in his and pulling him closer. "He probably already has."

"But I was so rude to him! I said--"

"I know what you said. But believe me if anyone gets it, he does. He was the one listening to me pine after you for years; he'll be relieved we've sorted this out. Probably hug you when he sees you next."

That doesn't help with the guilt trip Scorpius is determined to go on. He keeps saying what an arsehole he was to Teddy and while that is true, the situation was a rather peculiar one. Jamie knows Teddy will never hold it against Scorpius. He'll probably want to buy him a pint for finally making a move, which reminds him... "Uh, if Teddy ever starts telling you about the many times that I got drunk and moody about you, it'd be best for both of us if you stopped him."

Scorpius pulls out from his arms and looks up at him with that Malfoy face. That single eyebrow raised.

"Trust me, you don't want to know."

"Maybe I do..."

"Then maybe I should ask Al what you said to him about me."

_An impasse._

Then Scorpius gets that stupid smirk on his face. "As if he'll tell you!"

"He might for the right price."

"Sometimes I wonder how you didn't end up in Slytherin!"

***

"Does anyone on the team know about you? That you fancy me, I mean."

_Fuck. He knew this was coming._

Sighing, he looks up at Scorpius who's suspiciously short of breath. He was supposed to be out getting groceries, he's probably rushed home to start this inquisition.

"Can we talk about this when I'm not mid-piss?"

"I need to know."

"Now?", he asks shaking off his dick because it's too shy to produce piss in the company of a man whom said dick is very well acquainted with.

"Yes, now!"

"Can I wash my hands first?"

Scorpius scrunches his nose in disgust and James has a few things to say about that but he's rather busy trying to find a believable lie because the truth is rather embarrassing. Unfortunately, his brain is not cooperating.

"Well?" Scorpius is watching him with his arms folded across his chest and an impatient foot tapping the floor.

"Yeah, they know."

The reaction would be comical if this wasn't about to be an embarrassment for him. Scorpius throws his hands up in defeat and makes a sound that James can only describe as a squawk. Eventually, he makes words. "How long have they known?"

"A while."

"Since when?"

"I'm going to need to get out of the bathroom for this conversation. That okay?"

Scorpius silently leads him to the kitchen. He's walking like an angry pigeon and James can barely control his laughter. This, however, is not the time to be caught laughing at Scorpius. He's being stared at by a very angry looking Malfoy.

"How did they find out?"

_Here it goes._

"Uh, well. There was a spell..."

"What spell?"

Right. Okay, he can do this. "Ehm, there was this woman. At a match last year. She tried to uh... she tried to put a love spell on me. And uh, it backfired. I was--well, I... I kind of ended up confessing to the team in the locker room afterwords. The spell, it... it messed with my mind and it made me think of the person I loved and propose to them. Except you were the person and you weren't there so I, kind of... proposed to no one. In front of the team."

Scorpius is doing a brilliant expression of a fish.

"Apparently, there was also a very bad rendition of You Charmed the Heart Right Out of Me."

Jamie watches Scorpius from under his lashes, head bowed in shame. He'd hoped this would never come out but that was probably too much to ask for.

"You sang a Celestina Warbeck song for me when I wasn't there, in front of the whole team?

"So I've been told. I uh, I don't exactly remember the details. Something about the way the spell was cast."

"Right."

He wonders if it's okay to cross the room and go to Scorpius. He doesn't know if Scorpius is more likely to laugh at him or yell.

"Salazar's tits! I knew it, I knew something was up that night we went drinking on your birthday!"

_Yelling it is._

"They all knew you fancied me! Ronald brought up the love spell that night and that's when everyone got all weird. That's why there were those secretive glances and looks. Oh my gods, this was it wasn't it?"

"Yeah... Ronald is an idiot."

Scorpius doesn't speak for a moment and Jamie mistakes that for a ceasefire. He's taking confident steps towards Scorpius but freezes when he's suddenly under fire again. "Did you all stay behind after I left and talk about me?"

_Shite!_

He opens his mouth to tell a half-truth that'll appease Scorpius but it never comes out. "It was mostly me moaning about stuff and the lads trying to cheer me up. Well, trying to get me to move on. But to be fair, they've dealt with a lot of my moaning and whining. And some of it was concern too, believe it or not."

Scorpius is watching him closely, eyes darting across Jamie's face like he's looking at a stranger. "We are both idiots."

James bursts out laughing at his words. He wasn't expecting that at all. Scorpius's face twitches weirdly before he too starts laughing. "Pair of idiots!"

***

"My mum's getting married this week--"

"What?!"

Mr. Potter who was until now sorting through their little muggle toolkit looking for something on the other side of the room is suddenly right there and looking at Scorpius with his Head Auror face. Scorpius turns to Jamie for help but the idiot's too oblivious to even notice his dad's sudden presence and interest. _How can anyone be so bloody thick?_ He really wants to kick James in the shin but refrains from violence till the idiot's dad is gone.

Scorpius looks back up at Mr. Potter. He's looming over the sofa, looking down at Scorpius with his famous scar right there within touching distance if he just reached out a little. "Um..."

_That's really eloquent, Scorpius._

Mr. Potter takes a step towards him - how is there any space left for him to crowd - and Scorpius wants to hide under the sofa because he's so bloody intimidating. "Married?", Mr. Potter says finally in that stupidly low voice.

Scorpius nods his head like a toy in response. "Yes, she's getting married. To her partner, they've lived together for years now. In Brittany." He doesn't know why he's given so much information to Mr. Potter but he just has that effect, Scorpius reckons. Makes him a bloody good auror.

Mr. Potter frowns at him as if none of his words make any sense. Well, Scorpius isn't the epitome of sense right now but surely Mr. Potter has gotten all the information he wanted. Which, why he would want to know about his mum and her marriage is beyond him.

His face does a thing then, a thing Jamie's face does too sometimes - he looks halfway between confused and angry. Scorpius flinches when Mr. Potter's hand flies up to mess with his hair. James, the unobservant git, has still not noticed anything.

Scorpius watches in silent concentration as Mr. Potter drags his hand through his hair. Curses under his breath. Exhales sharply. Then mumbles, "How? But how's that possible?"

Scorpius looks at James, lost in his book. Looks back at Mr. Potter, mumbling to himself. He will have to speak out or he'll be here stuck with father and son till dinner time.

"Sorry?", he asks softly.

Mr. Potter's head jerks up as if he'd completely forgotten where he is. He studies Scorpius' face for a second, making him squirm under the scrutiny of the Head Auror's gaze. Then, he speaks. "How could she?" And for an unnerving moment, Scorpius thinks Mr. Potter is in love with his mother. Before he can have a proper meltdown about this though, Mr. Potter continues. "I mean, she's still married to your father, isn't she?"

James has now rejoined the land of the living and is looking questioningly at Scorpius as if he has any fucking clue what is happening here.

They both turn to Mr. Potter who looks like he's completely lost it. _How can he not know?_

"They've been divorced since I was fifteen...?" Scorpius replies.

His forehead wrinkles in a frown, eyes still on Scorpius but completely unseeing. It's like he is somewhere else entirely. "But I thought---wasn't there some kind of dark blood magic in the Malfoys? Something to prevent divorces?"

"Oh yeah! Nasty bit of magic.." He shudders at the memory of the darkly glowing, pulsing mass of tangled knots the Charmers had shown him on their first and only visit to the Manor. Not even they had wanted anything to do with dark Malfoy magic. "It would disown the caster from the Malfoy line and most likely kill them too. Dad, he...." Scorpius clears his throat, pushing down the choking sensation at the back of his throat.

"Dad cast it, anyway. He hurt himself really badly, it was a stupid blood spell that would slowly kill him but he was really adamant about casting it for some reason. Mum tried to stop him too but he wouldn't listen. But yeah, he cast it and they separated. That's why he moved to France in my fourth year. He found a healer there who was able to help him." Scorpius really does wonder how the Head Auror and his best friend's father never cottoned on to the fact that Scorpius' dad had moved to another country for two whole years. It was in all the newspapers at the time, the _Prophet_ had actually plastered it across the front page. Made all kinds of disgusting comments, drudged up dad's past and insinuated that perhaps he should stay out of England for good.

_Salazar, oblivion does run in the blood of this family!_

He's second guessing his love for James now, seeing his future clear as day in Mr. Potter. Broody, mumbling, oblivious, unreasonably intense.

Well, but also - quietly intense in that fascinating way, dark intelligent eyes, low rough voice--

"What about the whole Malfoy line business?" James asks suddenly, breaking Scorpius out of his very inappropriate train of thought.

James had never been interested in this when it was actually happening, too busy with quidditch and girls. Al was the one who was there for Scorpius through it all. He shakes off the horrible memories from fourth year. It was a difficult time but it's long gone. No point thinking about it now.

Shrugging, he turns to James. "The wards at the Manor still don't recognise him as the heir. I have to go over once in a while and reset them in case something trips or something." And how dad loves being locked out of his own home, waiting for Scorpius to come and let him in. He's almost always in the middle of a shouting match with the wards by the time Scorpius apparates over.

"I have to go!" Mr. Potter suddenly announces and rushes to the door without any kind of explanation.

Jamie looks at Scorpius, just as baffled. "Dad?", he asks just as Mr. Potter gets to the door. He looks back at them and Scorpius notices how stricken he looks - eyes wide behind his glasses and face burning. He mumbles something about stubborn idiots and disappears.

"What was that about?", James wonders aloud but neither of them really knows.

***

"Potter?"

He whirls around to find Malfoy walking up towards him through the garden. Draco Malfoy. He looks older in the way he walks. His hands are clasped behind his back like they used to be sometimes at Hogwarts. He stops a few steps away and Harry remembers that showing up to someone's home unannounced usually needs an explanation.

He opens his mouth and all that comes out is.... "Draco?"

Malfoy tilts his head to the side slightly in a way that reminds him of Hermione when she's dealing with Harry and his many bad habits. "Who were you expecting?", he says in a monotone voice which shouldn't bring a wave of nostalgia with it.

"You,", he chuckles at his own brilliant start to this conversation. "It's your house."

"Sharp as ever, I see."

He'd laugh at the barb, revel in the familiarity of it if there was even a hint of a joke on Malfoy's face. There's not. There's nothing on Malfoy's face, it's carefully blank. He was never able to keep his emotions from showing on his face back then. He really has grown old.

"What do you want, Potter?"

He realises he's been staring again. "My son and yours are in love, apparently. Did you know?"

Malfoy shifts slightly, hands unclasping from behind his back and moving to his sides. Harry watches as he reaches up with his right hand and wipes at his brow. He hadn't noticed it but Malfoy's got dirt on his cheek. He must've been working in the gardens. He speaks with the same monotone voice again. "You came here to tell me this?"

"I.... "

"What do you want me to say? It's good to see you?" He takes a step toward Harry, then another. With every step, he becomes clearer to Harry. The eyes, the same nose, the new lines on his face. The calmness there that's surely come with age. He passes by Harry without a word and keeps walking toward the door.

"Draco, I--I..."

He stops walking. For a moment, Harry can't tell if he'll turn around or keep walking and just leave him here. Then he turns. Eyes on Harry.

"I didn't come here to talk about James and Scorpius. I.. " There's no emotion on Malfoy's face. It's unnerving. "Maybe I shouldn't have come."

"You're right about that."

And that, that just.... it stings. Hurts like it hasn't hurt in years. Harry turns on his feet, ready to disapparate when something makes him open his eyes and stay. Something that tastes too much like regret.

He faces Malfoy again, sees a flash of something on his face and braces himself. "I'm sorry."

Malfoy doesn't react except to say, "About what?"

Harry had somehow forgotten Malfoy's uncanny ability to twist the knife so well without ever getting blood on his hands. That hasn't changed. Harry watches as Malfoy takes a single step forward and tilts his chin up defensively. "Not showing up twenty years ago or showing up twenty years too late?"

It knocks the breath out of Harry, the acknowledgment. So, he didn't dream it up.

He rushes to clarify, "I did show up, Draco. I came."

The mask on Malfoy's face crumbles in a second. There are so many emotions at once like he was waiting to show Harry exactly how he's feeling. Surprise, disbelief, anger, resentment, curiosity.

"I walked right up to the door. I saw you inside, waiting for me. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't walk in there and give you everything I had when you couldn't. I couldn't hurt myself like that."

"So you left me sitting there? Worrying about what had happened. Realizing that you weren't coming."

"I wanted to owl you, to let you know... but I knew that I wouldn't be able to stay away if I did. I just... I couldn't."

He looks up at Malfoy through the tears in his eyes. The walls are back up. "What did you imagine would happen when you told me this?"

He blinks through the wetness, bites at his mouth. He doesn't know, he didn't think that far.

"Didn't think it through, did you?", Malfoy asks shaking his head. He used to do that back then. A lot. "Go home, Potter."

He knows he'll never come back here as long as he lives if he leaves now. And that's not something he wants to live with. "Why didn't you tell me you got divorced?"

Malfoy's eyes sharpen somehow, pierce through him like a spell. He doesn't wait for an answer because he's waited too long already. "Scorpius told me."

There's a hint of guilt on Malfoy's face. It's gone in the blink of an eye. "Did he?"

"You could've told me. One word in the last twenty years and I would have come running."

There, he's said it now. Words that have sat heavy on his chest, slowly strangling him finally said aloud.

"What makes you think I wanted you to come running back to me?"

"Draco..."

He shakes his head slightly as if reminding himself to not feel. But Harry can see it, the pain reflected in his eyes. The pain that he's seen in his own eyes everyday for two decades. Every single day. "Please."

He’s looking at Harry with those light eyes, and for a moment Harry feels like he’s twenty again - looking at Draco asleep beside him in bed - with his whole life ahead of him.

***

  


**Author's Note:**

> The Harry/Draco scene in this was inspired/very nearly copied from a scene in Grace and Frankie. It's the one where Grace goes to meet Phil. The way that scene was written and played was so beautiful. I wanted to see if Harry and Draco could have such a sad background and end up finding their way to each other. Seems like they could.


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